might as well take my heart out from my chest and cut it in half in front of me. i'm clueless, confused and lost. the only person who can make me stop crying is the person who is the reason for my tears. all i want is to be happy. why does it have to come to this?

i want people to be see through.

it's fortunate for someone one to have transparent and true friends - true enough who can and shall speak the truth and stab you in front. people who aren't afraid to tell youy everything and anything - because no matter how painful they may say, they're real adn true friends that they actually have guts to tell you what they really think and feel.

i long for this certain person to be truthful and transparent. yes, there ARE changes but for some reason there are just certain things that make me nervous, make me doubt a little. there are just a few things that may say something, that may imply something. or maybe i'm just THAT paranoid. i don't know.

but all i want is a little bit of courage. i try to be as honest to everyone i know as possible. so... why can't they?

love is a very loaded word. but what does it all mean? does love have its boundaries and limits? does it have certain rules and regulations that it has to follow or is love something that follows no law?

does love allow limits or does love break and surpass them?

i have to know. i thought i knew... or actually, i just had an IDEA what love is. but now, i'm confused. i'm dumbfounded and... fuck, i'm just plain confused.

i'm so friggin tired. it's like, before, i thought the exhaustion that i felt before was already the extreme feeling of that. but then right now, how tired i am cannot even compare to how i felt and how i was before.

i guess it's because the feeling is the same but the reason is different. i'm so tired of living - especially if life is just this monotonous, routinary cycle that would just BORE me to death.

i'm just so tired... i'm TOO tired to do everything i have to do.

i cannot say "I'm SO tired" enough.

argh.

i need to expand my brain memory. saying "so many things to remember" is an understatement. so many things to remember, so many things to say and to keep in mind... information about the school, the procedures, offers, the students... hayayay!

i need a 2 gigabyte memory talaga for my brain. in order to store everything!

ARGH!

my insecurities can be sometimes cured by a bag of potato chips.

yes. i am one of those people who drown their sorrows in a bag of ruffles.

so screw me. unfortunately, i am not one of those people who were born with a perfect 10 body.

it seems that even when i work out in the gym, by body is still... weird. it belongs to someone who hasn't reached adolescence yet. yes. my body belongs to a pre pubescent girl. *sigh*.

and yes. i am in that self critical self loathing mood again. *sigh*.

people should just have the same body type. no more insecurities, guys ogling at hot girls and eating disorders. yey.

as i am already in my early 20's, i realized that i now have to be more aware about the clothes, shoes and accessories that i buy and wear and take my wardrobe a bit more seriously.

aware meaning i have to be conscious of what i'm wearing and to where. i have to dress and look appropriate, but at the same time, i have to be true to my style, who i am. i am unfortunately an awkward fashionista, compared to friends and peers - who seem to handle fashion so well that putting together a smashing outfit is just like breathing - it comes so naturally to them. but for me, it's like solving the rubix cube - clumsy, awkward, uncertain and going through it like a blind mouse.

while others have it easy with this, i have to make the extra effort. ugh.

it's okay i guess. i (hope) get to look good anyway. haha.

it's just now in my life that i've realized that accessories pretty much save an outfit. i never really thought that YOU'D really need them. but now, i changed my mind. accessories are actually a MUST - earrings, necklaces and belts are things that one cannot live without.

it's actually hard catching up - buying things that you thought you'll never need but then suddenly realize you do and then go buy that thing 'last minute'. it's hard updating your wardrobe for things that you should've had in the first place. hayayay.

i think i was a man in my previous life. 8-|

wahahaha! eric bana has a new brain!

yehey!

finally my cam has a new brain... a 1 gigabyte brain! woooohoooo! i'm sooooo hapeh! wahahahahaha!

:)))))))

okay. last christmas, i had a list. and now as summer's coming up, i have another list...

:) hehehehe

1. a memory card for my cam... 1 gig! i want 1 gig!!!!
2. a pair of new board shorts/beach shorts
3. a cute new bekeneh ;)

hay. for now, mababaw lang kaligayahan ko. hehehe :D

san miguel pale pilsen. yeah okay, it has the calories and its not san mig light.

but it tastes WAAAAY better.

i'm not a calorie - counter anyway so what the hell do i care?

hehehehe =)